Yeah...its been a while since i have posted something, and stuff did happended but im too lazy to remember and type it out XD i DID attempt to post osmething up but it didn't save and all my hard work got deleted...hmmmph. Today wasn't anything special much so i shall just vent i guess? yeah i like rambling better =D

A faded dream....

is this what it has become? just a dream? was it too real to be true? Its so hard to keep trusting when there's nothing to trust off, i keep holding on but i don't know how long this branch will keep holding me. When i fall will you know? Will you be there to catch me? I feel like i've given up hope and i feel like i question everything. Why is it so hard, why can't i just close my eyes and let life's waves take me to where i am suppose to go? I don't want to question anything, i dont want to make things big, i want to keep things small, but why is it so hard? It is soo hard, waking up each day and not having any assurance or any hope, how can i go on like this? Its on my mind all day, i check at nothing every minute that i can, hoping that something will pop up. The feeling, the tight constricted feeling in my chest won't ever tighten up and tightens more every time the thought of you comes up. They try so hard to get you, and once they have you, it seems like they don't care as much for you anymore. This sentence, something that i randomly was scribbling down the other day came into my mind. Why is this so true? why does it seems so real? Is it true? I don't want it to be true. I can't accept it and i hope that i would never have to. Why am i such a stubborn person? Why won't i just trust you with all my heart? Why do i repeatedly check on you and only hurt myself even more? Am i worthy of your love? I keep questioning it, i am sorry, but i can't help it. I need your presence, i need to know that you are there, even if its just one word i need to know you are there.

I will keep holding on and waiting though..no matter how hard it will get, i will keep holding on with all that i can. I really love you and i want to last long with you. Even if i do question, its because i love you too much. You make promises but you don't always keep them, its hard to keep walking with my head up when im filled with empty promises. I'll try though, i'll keep trying to keep my head up and keep trying to trust you. I will keep waiting for you because that's all i can do now. Why dont i just let everything go and give up? because i love you too much, dont let me down.

hosa conference day 1

hmm so today was the first day of hosa conference, so far its just like the good old times. the suckiest part was...waking up so early! dude! seriously i need my sleep D= but yeah so my dad drove me there, but it was kinda akward...haha cause he told me to pray with him, so i did. it was nice...i guess? xD
So all of us got onto the bus and the bus ride there seemed shorter than last year, probably because we had so much stuff to catch up on each other. Yeah but i had to pee alot xD yeah so we got there and we didn't get our rooms yet but we went to christina's room and put our stuff there until we got our room. haha i feel kinda bad for them because they are sharing a room with a stranger but i guess they can make friends xD
So today i was extremely tired and hyper! haha but then after the test session EVERYONE was extermly tired! we were all braindead, it was like 3 hours of straight testing. yeah then we went to see the campus of oregon state universitiy but the tour guides went off so we speant forever to get there for nothing. We came back and the teachers got us pizza. Ms.lloyd is such a sweetie!!! she bought us so much food! fruits, bagels, muffins, and snacks! she is so nice!
Yeah then we had hosa bowl....ohhhh myyyy. we were thrid seating for some effing reason and we had to wait like 2 hours just to go in and look stupid =_= gahhhh oh well memories memories xD
then afterwards we went to the hottub. oh my it was sooo relaxing! it felt so nice. We (baongoc, jennifer, alysha, victor, and I) were alll sitting there just talking and stuff. haha yeap now im just exhuasted.

sighhh....just sighhhh i dont know how i feel now. i dont know why i feel like this....who knows....sigh...i really dont know....my heart just keeps aching...but i dont know why. oh god help me. I dont even know what i want anymore, why am i here? why am i so insecure....i hate myself so much sometimes. i dont want to loose a good thing, maybe that's why i am so insecure....i need to become more open and not so protective....sigh.....

getting ready....

yeap...tomarr is gonna be the first day of HOSA conference. whoot whoot! lol
im so exhausted and will update my fellow readers about my week soon xD

im starting to pack....i feel like i have so little, i hope i didn't forget anything...
haha well its time for me to sleep, waking up freaking early tomarr morning D=

haha yeap i shall be updated very soon ^^

bunny bunny =]

hmmm today was a good day i guess XD i woke up early cause i thought i was going to go volunteer at the morning shift....haha i guess not. Lily couldn't make it in time and i was stilll half asleep xD
Yeah so i did absolutely nothing at home until around 12ish. Then i headed to pioneer square.
It was a while since i took the max and bus by myself and i never noticed how beautiful portland can be. When the sun is out, everything in downtown is exceptionally beautiful! Yeah but then i was also thinking about how there aren't many things in portland that is tourist material i guess? haha its probably cause i haven't exactly explored all of portland xD i need to know what Portland is all about xD

So i got there and damn, it was cold! even though the sun was out, it was cold x_x So i got there and i helped out with selling the tulips, there was a lot. I sold a few, i was proud of myself, i felt so useful haha. Then after Viet used the rabbit costume, i was able to wear it! haha it was the best part of my day, my whole 2 hours in the costume was so fun! it got pretty stuffy in there but it was so fun haha. I was waving to people and carrying around a big fake tulip!

I got many waves back and i was all acting like a happy and shy rabbit! xD OMG the best part was seeing the little kids! they were so cute x] some ran up to me and hugged me and they were all so adorable. Some were very shy but then they became unshy and started to high five me and stuff. There was these two kids who were sooooo adorable! one was jumping up and down and they both kept coming back ^^Then there was this other kid who kept coming back too and he was telling me random stuff, so CUTE.
I think the funniest parts are the teenagers-grownups who waved back or took pictures with me and stuff. haha i got so many pictures, i felt so loved xD there were a lot of cute guys x] haha it was so fun! i loved being in the costume cause you can be as silly as you want and it makes people smile and laugh. You won't get judged by anyone either ^^ the scariest part was when a bulldog was with a crowd of people and it saw me in the suite so it started to growl and bark and wanted to like eat me or something. i was so scared so i scream (i wasn't suppose to make sounds) thank god it was on a leash, but the owners was like a group of bums and they were like "eat the bunny eat it" i was like WTF?

Yeah so afterwards me and lily got our free tulips and we started to head back. We were going to get sushi but it was too crowded so we deiced to go eat noodles, haha asian much? On the way there though, this guy on the bus randomly put five bucks into lily's bundle of tulips. i was like wtf? why the hell did he randomly gave lily money? So when we got off the max i gave him back the money, he was like no no but i was like wtf? we just ignored him and kept walking on. Yeah so we went to eat and now im home....xD
haha me and lily decided that the guy who works at the noodle place wasn't ugly, he was actually pretty attractive ;] haha

For my baby....

haha even though i do still check out guys and stuff you should know there's only you in my heart right now ^^ i'm really happy with where we are now, but i do wish you would just go home and rest after work D= stop staying up so late when you are sick, ]= hmm i must admit that it is hard but we will just keep trying won't we? its hard, especially with those around us who dont understand, but we will keep strong, keep our heads up =]

jy ^0^

This was tabina, thanks for reading =]

Our Story March 20 2010

Hi everyone, Im alvin ~~ Nice to know you guys ^^. Currently im working with Golden Village as a facilities assistant. Life sure is hetic with many deadlines to finish. Went for meeting and Brain Stormming in the morning.... Stress ou,t no ideals and im feeling sleepy. Still recovering from my fever and flu. Cant really stay up whole night anymore...

Baby im sorry that i have neglected you this few days. I was rather buzy with my work but i promise you i will make time for you. I miss the time we would chat together ~~ I hate it when MSN die on us Arghhhhh~~~ Its so horrible.
Time sure seems to past by in another week we will be closing in to our first 1mth >.<
Im really happy being with you. You brighten my days ~~ Be strong n Confident baby ~~ Alwaz know that im always with you right there in your heart ~~
I kno wits hard for us but i will do my best to be your ideal love.
Being with you is wat i wish and i want, I love you Baby.


~Alvin

tiredddd

Lets see...i dont remember much about my weekend at all haha, all i know was that there was ALOT of church to go to and i was very tired all weekend. blehhh, i remembered that i went to get measured for my ao dai (vietnamese dressthingy) and my family and i went to eat =]
Another thing that i remember was Tri Tran, freaking douchebag. so like we were suppose to have a study session and i guess i didn't come home early enough so he decided to have it at his house. I texted him and called him to see if i could come over yet but i guess his phone was on silent for some reason and so i was stuck home....stuck on homework....feeling as though life was over... HAHA not to THAT extreme but i was pissed XD.

Yeah so now onto monday...ummm it was a chill day i guess. I once again fail at chemistry so i didn't turn in homework again =_= gee i wonder why...hahah freaking tri. Yeah so we went to tennis practice after school and it was outside. We were hiting for like maybe ten or twenty mintues then it started to pour down rain! so we all ran inside and i guess we ran laps in the upstairs track. After that i went to meet up with tri and jiahuan and my umbrella broke...=[ it was horrible, the wind was too strong for it x[

yeahh they wanted to go to sushi land so i just went with them haha i ended eating...=[ i wasn't suppose to, i was suppose to save up, gahhh.

so then afterwards i went to tri's house and now i finally understand it! haha that douche redeemed himself haha. thank you! =]

Today was a lame day, i wasn't in a good mood, i have no idea why. Too much stuff was due and then i was procrastinating so i can't blame anyone but myself. I have so much work to do for tomorrow and friday as well! how am i going to survive?! D=

Yeah we played grant today, i was fusturated with myself. I could've done so much much better but for some reason i played like crap, i felt like i let down not only myself, but my coach as well as margot and those people in past&e...sighhh i suck, i shouldn't be playing so high up.

[less than three goes here]

haha anyone smart enough to know what that is? xD

heehee when you called it was kinda unexpected and yeah, it was kinda awkward because my dad was right next to me, haha so sorry that i couldn't talk? xD

Yeah but im sorry im so nervous and i talk so quietly, i dont know why though. haha i am not that type of person usually. Usually i will talk loudly and yell on the phone and, just be normal i guess. but who knows...maybe because its just you. haha i guess that shows how much you mean to me and how i want to make myself seem good enough for you. =] You make me feel very special and good about myself and i hope that i make you feel the same way. If not tell me because i really want to you know how much you mean to me and i want you to always be happy when you are with me.

yeapppp i guess that's all i have for today =]

formspring.me

Ask me anything, yes ANYTHING xD http://formspring.me/heywtfisthis

Ohmigahhh ever since school started I've been so busy with homework blehh. Barely any sleep. I miss spring break, sleeping as early or as late as I wanted and I could wake up as late or as early as I wanted too as well. Haha yeah so that's why I haven't blogged in so long.
Let's see...Monday was good I guess but there was so much due. I went to clinicals and it was my last day haha my CNA gave me some cake, yumm haha yeah I help her do vitals and clean people and stuff. Yeapp there was a guy with no legs or arms, I felt so bad for him so we did other stufff as well. I helped one of the patient apply vasaline to his leg and foot, the poor old guy had super dry and flacky skin that looked like it can hurt if you touched it. I was happy afterwards cause his legs looked better and he was very thankful as well ^^

yeah, afterwards we went to taco bell, I wasn't suppose to spend money that week but I did T_T yeah so I went home and did homeowrk...sighhh I hate homework. I was trying to get my english notebook done but I didn't finish -_-
tuesday, hmm I don't really rmember if anything happend....yeah I know for sure I didn't finish my English notebook and plus I also had my apush notebook to do -.- yay me. I think we got rained out of our match that day and instead of going home right away to do homework, I think I went to nela with lily. We talked more than did homework haha. We were talking about planning a senior year trip. I don't know if I would want to go to Korea...I would LOVE to but it's so costy. I would go to china with them though, at least they would know how to speak the language lol. Wednesday, hmmm I don't remember anything much. I woke up late that day T_T I was suppose to wake up early and do homework before school but my alarm didn't wake me. I was so mad and I was late to gromkos class, she told me she marked me absent cause I was soo late, I understand though =[ yeah so we had a match that day against Gresham. I played with Mary again and we took so long! Omg I can't believe it took three sets but it was worth it. We won 6-2, 5-7, and 6-2. They were a good team though, I had fun ^^ afterwards y coach told me that I foot faulted a lot! I never food fault before...I guess I have to be careful from now on. She also told me that the other coach said that I was the best player on the courts...pshhh what lies..I suck hella. I went home and colasped..I was tired so decided to sleep and do hoemwork in the morning and made sure my dad would wake me up so I don't be late.

Thursday hmmm nothing else happend this day I think...well maybe something did happend but that's what I get for not blogging regularly haha. We did play Lincoln though...me and Mary played number 1 doubles....big mistake yo. That team is like so pro one of the girls is like my idol, she's so good. Plus she's rich and pretty...sighh I'm no match for that kind of girls, I'll never be "the girl" that people wants blehh xD
Hmm yesterday was a super easy and relaxing day. We had the diversity assembly, it was alright. There were shirtless guys dancing whoot whoot a few of them had some nice boddies ;] yeah we had six and seventh off today so we decided to go eat at Jin Jin again. After that I went to chruch...omgg it took so long. When i got home, i slept like a pig x]

Hmmm life right now is good I guess, could be a bit better but I'm not complaining ^^ I wish we can spend More time together, yesterday was nice wasn't it? I was just sitting there talking to you, it felt nice ^^ like I said, I'm happiest when I am with you. Hmm also what I said yesterday I mean it too, I want to hold your hands and hug you not just for a night but for the rest of my life. Haha tabina can rhyme ;] on my steps to become a rapper people haha sykke. Heehee don't be afraid to tag me, I don't really care what others say, as long as I have you I am happy^^ I guess thats the thing with relationships of any kind isn't it? You have to learn to give up some things in order to obtain something else, you have to have trust and not question everything that you question.
Hmm this just brought simple love by jay Chou into my mind...haha it's a sweet song, I'll end my post with the lyrics, this is for you ^^
"I want to just hold your hand like this and never let go
Can love be this simple without pain
You leaning on my shoulder
You sleeping on my chest
Like this kind of life, I love you, you love me." ~

At this moment...i really do miss you, i wish we can talk a little second more at times. Sometimes i want to talk more so that i can tell you how importnat you are to me and how much i love you. I guess there are so many obsticles between us, i guess we just have to stay strong right? jyjy ill keep fighting so dont worry about me =]