Hello there everybody! =] I haven't blog for quite some time now have i? I think the reason to that is because of my pure lazziness....yes i am soo lazy now and days. ><

So these one and kinda a half weeks was boring i guess, the exciting things were probably registration and the hot pot. I did other stuff too, like that one volunteering thing and more adventures at mt tabor, but im tooo lazy to type it. HAHA acutally, its really because i dont remember crap xD yes me and my short term memory lost. =]]]]]

Today was the second day of the tennis camp we are having with a coach from west hills. He's a good coach who works us hard while getting the basics down for us. <---i have no idea if that makes any sense or not xD

So the thing i dislike about practice is the footwork...because im a fat lazy person who hates those drills. HAHA but i guess its good for me so ill hang in there!!!! FIGHTING!!! gahh need to lose all this fat if i want to get married!!! >< haha ="]

It was much hotter today than yesterday but i guess it was worth it. I got pissed off by some others too....want to hear about it? ask, i shall vent to you cause im to lazy to type this out on here XD [god my lazziness is out of hand]

Yeah so while we were waiting for the bus, cars kept looking at us while they drove by and we decided to make a sign that said honk. I guess it was too small because everyone just starred and didn't do anything. Then we got on the bus and decided that tomarr we shall attempt to bring big sign and get some honks xD lily wants to have one that says honk for peace....i was like hahha you sound like a hyppie! xD

Yeah so i got home and folded some laundry and watched some more family outing. GAHH i just love that show!! ><

Then my father shows home and every peaceful moment ended. Acutally it eended before that too, when my bitching sister decided to start being a fucking drama queen. DAMN THEM god dmanit! (excuse me for my language ><)
My dad decieded to bitch me about using the computer all day and my only response was too just look at him and not say anything. He's all like you know the computer is changing you and blah blah blah. Its so fucking rediculous i dont know if he even knows what of half he's fucking saying. Even if i dont have the internet, what the hell am i gonna do? Im still gonna find something to do that will entertain me. What does he want me to do? be bored and sit around like a fucking manikin or something? Its so fucking annoying that i couldn't take it anymore i just exploded. I went what the hell and decided to talk back. I think i said something along the lines of you dont know shit. And he goes what are you talking about. I repeat myself and he goes adn says well its your chance now. Ill find the time for you to talk to me. I was like its too late. He's like what are you talking about its too late. I just ignored him and decided to go vent on here i guess. While i was surfing online still fucking pissed off and emotional i came across joanna's page. There, i saw her little thingy and decided its time for tabina to vent out her emotions again. Therefore the next entry includes just that =D

vent =D

I was on Joanna's page and came across this....this crap makes you think....A LOT. Well, it made me think =] Its stupid because its true, its true because no one can prevent it, us humans are not made of unbreakable titanium or something, we are as fragil as glass. We all have a heart that can be easily scard but not easily fixed. Once somebody breaks your heart in anyways, even if you put back all the pieces, the scars are still there. Nobody, i repeat, nobody can completely heal a heart that has permanent cracks.
Yeah i kinda sound like a emo bitch right now but its true, you just have to give into the fact that everyone falls hard once in their lifetime. Once, once, once, once shouldn't be the only time, we are only humans and we go through these falls through our whole life. And a life goes through many obsticles, not just one so its imposible to have your heart borken and become a rock for the rest of your life. sooner or later, you'll get hurt again.
You might think that im only mouth, but its not, i know this because i've been lying to myself for the past 16 9/12 years of my life. My dad has been there for me finacially and idk the word but he's been there for me for all my life so far. But after or during my middle school years, he was just there. He has never been there emotionally at all, he doens't know shit about me. Then out of nowhere, after being missing from my life for more than 5 years, he decides that he wants to talk to me now. In all these five fucking years he has been yelling and screaming at this family. His yelling and screaming has been random bullshit that he randomly pmses out and i has just been bottling it all up. Today was just too much, he's been bitching about the same thing for far to long and its way to dumb for me to ignore. All these years i've been telling myself that i can take it, im not allowing him to even try to get to know my heart, im not going to let him scar it in anyway. I bottle it up and try to just smile everything away. I've learned to not rely on them for compliments or motivations because i knwo that they will never be satisfied. But all those years i've just kept bottling up and you can't bottle up everything, one day, everything needs to explode. Today was one of the day when my bottle began to shake under all the pressure being built up. i allowed some gas to come out but not all. i am afraid that when one day i explode, its not going to be something that you can just wipe up.
Idk what else i was going to vent about, i got distracted soooo i guess imma try to close it off. You can find someone who can help you put your heart back agian piece by piece, but they cannot make those cracks disappear. With that you need to know that everyone has a reason for all the cracks they live with and you will never truely know about every crack that has scar them. You can never truely know everything about someone because us humans all have secrets and some they can tell you but there are those few that they dont trust ANYONE with.
That goes with me to, i am sorry to say. You may be my friend and i will tell you everything that happened in my life. You are all good friends who will listen to me i know, and you all say that you wont judge me, i trust you. But i have some secrets that i dont want to expose. those secrets i feel WILL make you judge me and some that you WILL go on regretting that you heard. So even if my father wants to talk after all these years, he'll never really get to hear how i really feel, what i really want. It is really already too late for him. These past years all my feelings that i felt, both good and bad memories, are not all there. He will never be able to know who i am.

I am done now =]