oh nos! mood swings =/

i just realized how anti-social i kinda was this week, i went out to hang out like once or twice, but that was it really. Sigh i need to go play tennis again I dont know how i am feeling right now. I feel lonely, annoyed, like i am a bother, I dont really know my emotions right now. I feel like there are no words for it at all. sighhh I haven't done any homework this week either, i should start....so lazyy. i dont even know what i have done all week, I was just sitting here rotting away! gahhhh eff emm elll xD
So i was reading my book and came across this quote: "Passionate people create too many problems: they are reckless. They endanger others in their pursuit of fetishes and infatuations. And they self-agitate when it is better to simply relax and let matters be." i find that true, especially with me. When i am "passionate" i am floating in clouds, reality isn't where i am and when i fall back down, it is when everything hits me.
Dear God, Is this your way of testing me? I dont know what you want of me anymore, its so hard. Why do i have to be so insecure? Why do i question everything? Why can't i just be happy? Why is it that i like to make a big deal out of things? But i guess i shouldn't take things for granted should i? Thank you for giving me all that i have now, i am truly happy, i shouldn't be asking for too much. i hope this thing never ends, that this isn't just a big joke.
I miss you....
I really feel happy with you, but am i asking to much? I feel like im bothering you like im not worthy. maybe im really not worthy i dont know. Its so hard isnt it? Please tell me if you are tired of me, at least ill know. i really do like you a lot and i hope this lasts forever. I dont think that you aren't being true, but this seems to good to be true, i hope this isn't a dream that i will wake up from anytime soon.
13143314 these numbers at first were just numbers, but then you told me what they mean. who knew just simple numbers can mean something to meaningful. i believe in those numbers and will work hard to make them meaningful

yeap there goes tabina...blabbering on and on